When I look at old pictures of myself I realize that I was not as fat as I thought I was. I remember once being so self-conscious at an event in high school because my dress was satin, which is very unforgiving, and I swore my rolls were being highlighted by the shiny blue fabric. I actually uncovered that dress this weekend while going through the garage and as I held it up, I wondered how I even fit into the dress, which would probably not even go over one of my thighs today. But oddly enough, I feel more confident now than I ever did as a size 4. I'm pretty sure it has to do with being older, and now that I have kids there are certain things that just don't matter anymore.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never wear a bikini again in my life. I am confident now, but not that confident. I know what people think but don't say out loud, and I'm not going there. Besides, they make really cute tankinis now, and those look just fine on me.
I no longer need to own every hot new pair of four-inch heels that come out. People who get dressed in mini skirts and heels to go grocery shopping with their kids look ridiculous. I will save the evening wear for the evenings out which, quite frankly, are not that often. I just look at it as money saved.
I have accepted that my boobs, without surgery, will never be tight and round again. They have not sagged to my elbows, but after breastfeeding two babies, they have been broken in. It's not reversible.
I have reluctantly retired my belly ring. The piercing is still there, but I have no desire to show off my post-children belly to anyone therefore, why adorn it?
My wardrobe has been cut in half, my shoe collection has been cut in half, and my body size has doubled, but none of that is as important to me as raising my daughters to be more confident than I ever was. I want them to know that they are beautiful, smart, and capable of doing anything that they set their minds to, and to do this I must lead by example. To start: no more bitching about not fitting in any of my 37 pairs of size 6 jeans... even though it does suck.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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yay for setting a good example and feeling good in your own skin! Your girls are beautiful. They take after you ;)
ReplyDeleteSometimes not wearing 4 inch heels makes me sad, but I'm gradually coming around to your way of thinking. I used to wear them and they kind of hurt my feet but looked fabulous.
But now I have 10 month old octogirl tied to my back and I'm carrying groceries and have to climb in and out of the bus, those 4 inch heels...they are in the back of my closet.