Scenes From a Mall

Staying home with your kids is not easy. In addition to brushing teeth, changing diapers, making meals, giving baths and cleaning up messes, we also have to find things for our kids to do all day. It is not until I had to entertain a one- and two-year-old that I realized how long 12 hours can really be. So far, I've been doing quite all right. There are those days, however, when I am bored out of my mind, to which my husband suggests "Why don't you take them to the mall?" Like it'll be fun or something. I have already been down that road, dragging someone along with me to help, and it didn't have a great outcome. Nonetheless, since it has been such a sweltering hot week and we are without air conditioning, I thought it would be nice to do something different and take the girls to the mall to cool off.

I get the girls ready, which includes a WWE match with Mia to change her diaper and put clothes on her, I pack the diaper bag and head out the door. I make sure the double stroller is still in the trunk of my car, and proceed to put the girls in their car seats. I put Mia in first because she is more likely to run out into the street if I turn my head for a second. Once I get her to sit still long enough to fasten the buckles, I turn my attention to Leila who is busy collecting a beautiful dead leaf bouquet for me. She comes to the car after the fifth time I call her and after she's strapped in we're on our way.

The AC in the car is on full blast and I'm still sweating. I have never looked so forward to going to an air conditioned mall before. The parking lot is pretty packed for a Thursday afternoon (of course) so the closest spot I could grab was far enough to require a shuttle to the mall entrance. I pop my trunk and remove the double stroller which is roughly the size of a city bus, brush off the indeterminable food crumbs from the last time we used it, plop the girls in and make my mile-hike to the front door of the mall. I struggle to open the first set of non-automatic doors and push my limousine through without getting stuck because the girl standing outside is too busy talking on her cell phone to hold the door. As I reach for the handle on the second set of doors I anticipate the cold air rushing to meet me like the frigid air of the freezer when you open it to get an ice pop, and when I swing the door open I feel... nothing? There is no cold air! It is only about 10 degrees cooler than it is outside. I am now so upset I begin to curse everything under my breath: my parking spot in the boondocks, the doors that didn't open automatically, the dingbat who wouldn't hold the door for me and the cheap mall that couldn't get its air conditioning working properly on a day like this.

Regardless, I already made the trip out, so I figure I'll go in anyway, hoping that each individual store has its own climate control. As I enter my first (and eventually last) store I am welcomed by a wall of cool air. I make my way to the first rack, and before I can even find my size in a black skirt Mia starts to cry. I have no idea why, she has on a clean diaper and she just ate lunch, so I give her a sequined tank top to play with while I go back to looking for my size. Of course, since Mia is holding something, Leila now wants to hold something, so I give her another one of those sequined tops and look to see that Mia is gnawing on the security tag. I take the shirt away & throw it back on the rack as Mia simultaneously begins to cry again. One of the sales ladies walks by and gives me that "Why did you even bring these kids to the mall?" look. I sneer at her, abandon the rack of black skirts and venture deeper into the store.

As I push my double bus, I can feel the wheels gliding, so I look down and notice that I have been dragging a sundress across the length of the store. It is now covered in clumps of gray dust, so I quickly shake it off, squish it into the nearest rack and keep moving. By this time, I am blindly grabbing things that even remotely look attractive to me, making sure they're my size and throwing them onto the stroller in the hopes that my children might be quiet long enough for me to try them on. One can always hope, right?

Well, no such luck. I make my way back to the fitting room. The largest room is being occupied by someone who has no need for a large room. Leila and Mia have re-started their whining as the fitting room attendant asks me if I want to wait for the big room. I give her the "Are you kidding me?" look and she shrugs her shoulders. I ask for the last fitting room, so I can just park the stroller in the hall and keep my door open. Now the attendant is looking at me like I'm crazy. "Listen, my kids are cranky, and I just wanna get outta here," I say as I rush past her to the last room.

In between encore performances of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", "Itsy, Bitsy Spider", and the ABC song, I am able to try on what I believe to be three shirts, two dresses and a pair of jeans. In my harried state, I have no idea if any of these items looked good on me, or if I even indeed try them on. Mia is now screaming bloody murder and Leila wants the graham crackers that are in the diaper bag which is underneath the stroller. I decide to just call it a day. I give the clothes to the attendant and stroll toward the front, not caring that Mia has stuck out her arm in attempt to knock down everything we pass. The minute we exit the store beads of sweat start appearing on my forehead. I get stuck behind a lady who is walking so slow she is practically in reverse, but is so large that I can't go around her. When I finally reach the mall exit a little old man walking with a limp stops to hold the door open for me and my large double stroller--just about the only nice thing about our whole adventure. I can't say I'll be so nice the next time my husband tells me to take our daughters to the mall.